


pain persists, evil gifts.

by yojin (MnM_PD)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, bitter like an espresso shot, ch392 spoilers, chapter 392 deteriorated my mental health tbh, i love konoaka but furudate said i have no rights, seasoned with lotsa salt, title is from worthless — eli., vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnM_PD/pseuds/yojin
Summary: konoha hates akaashi.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Konoha Akinori
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	pain persists, evil gifts.

**Author's Note:**

> i said: fuck it. i’m petty and imma be as salty as i want to be.
> 
> another psa: i love konoha, akaashi and konoaka. i’m just rlly going thru it, folks.

After their loss to Ichibayashi, it felt like something finally snapped between the two of them, or maybe that was the sound of two gears breaking out of their sync, or maybe it was a mask falling off as it made a dull, echoing sound when it finally hit the ground.

Undoubtedly, something changed in the way Konoha treated Akaashi, and it was an immediate change which he wasn’t able to prepare for. He was forced to back-step, was pushed towards a wall, then was effectively pinned down with a detached stare, borderline cold and antipathetic, despite him wanting nothing else but to bolt and hide.

They hadn’t talked in depth after the awarding, they only showed each other tight smiles and polite pats in the back, and neither of them had sent each other any messages or called once they got home. After a day has passed since they lost, Konoha was the first to reach out.

In all honesty, the experience was like being stuck inside the eye of a twister. Akaashi was still as death with a strange calmness within his veins while he watched the storm surround him, encircle him, and trap him inside helplessly. He knows what’s next, he can feel it like deep seated within his guts that what he built with Konoha in the past two years would be flattened and crushed by this cyclone. There was nothing he can do about it, so he simply stood his ground and listened to what the older wanted to tell him as they stood side by side with an aching distance of a meter between them.

_Right after the deafening sound of a blocked ball hit the floor, I looked at you._

Akaashi chewed on his bottom lip, as he was aware of what he looked like back then on the court, his eyes trained on the spot wherein the ball landed. He knows in himself what he felt like exactly at that moment, and he can only answer with silence.

Konoha looked at him, and then he chuckled, flat and hollow, and yet when he spoke, his voice was in a bright pitch.

_You’re so easy to read, Keiji._

He turns away from Akaashi.

_Too easy._

He used to like that about Akaashi. He used to adore him for it. He used to be proud of being able to read him like an open book. Akaashi thought it made them stronger, but in the end it was a weakness, a flaw, a mistake on both sides.

_Since we’re already in the same wavelength, I guess I can talk more freely._

Akaashi only listened. He let Konoha lay down all his thoughts and pick it apart in ways he didn’t before, in ways he couldn’t, in ways he stopped himself from doing because he didn’t want to and couldn’t bring himself to hurt Akaashi.

It’s obvious why he’s doing it now of all times.

_It’s so comical how he can easily demand for your hundred and twenty percent, and you’ll be right there beside him, ready to offer even more than that, commanding even those that surround the two of you to give their optimum performance._

Akaashi’s jaw tensed with his lip caught in between his teeth, his nails dug crescents into the skin of his palms.

_So I’m sorry._

Akaashi closed his eyes, tasting metal inside his mouth. He shouldn’t be hearing this from Konoha. Konoha shouldn’t apologize and Akaashi doesn’t want to receive one from him. He can’t let him be sorry for such a thing, but Konoha’s tone was absolute and left no room for argument. He’s going to drop it all on Akaashi. And that’s it.

_Your face had lots of mixed emotions when I saw you. You were dazed, pained, angry._ Then Akaashi heard the littlest hesitation and crack in his voice when he said — _disappointed_.

Konoha huffed a laugh, but it was not because he was genuinely amused.

_Could we have fought better if you were the one that set that ball?_

Akaashi discreetly closes his eyes shut, his teeth grinding deeper into his lip as he swallowed the copper coating his tastebuds, but it did nothing to relieve the tightening of his throat.

_Could we have won if it wasn’t just a normal guy like me who made that last set to Bokuto?_

There was a numbing feeling right on top of his sternum, which dissipated into an electric feeling that spread out all over his body. It felt like tiny, crawling insects right underneath his skin, and Akaashi itches to dig them all out.

_I’m sorry. I already knew I wasn’t_ somebody _like Bokuto, but I wasn’t aware you looked down on me because of it._

Akaashi was going to speak up, because that’s not true and he shouldn’t let Konoha believe such a thing, but the older turned to him and put up a palm to stop him, talking again before Akaashi even uttered anything.

_You probably didn’t in general._ Konoha stared at him and he confidently held his gaze. Slowly, Konoha nodded as he continued — _Maybe you didn’t_ , _but you definitely did that time on the court._

Akaashi’s mouth parted, but he closed it back up when the insects under his skin reached the corners of his eyes because they sting. They sting a lot and it _hurts_.

_I told Bokuto that I’d support him, because I really would. It’s the only thing I can do. We both looked up at him with wondering eyes, that’s why, but the only difference is that you’re just as blinding as he is._

Akaashi grumbled _I’m not_ , which Konoha swiftly countered with a _yes, you are_ followed by a lighthearted giggle, and it grasps something inside Akaashi’s ribcage, squeezing it until it’s fully suffocated.

_I can’t tell Bokuto these things, because I don’t think he’d get me. It’s truly selfish of me to burden you with this, but you understand, right?_

No, Akaashi didn’t understand, and the burning feeling wrapped around the insides of his throat only continued to grow more intensely. Akaashi licked his lips and looked down on the ground, wishing to avoid being read by Konoha’s knowing eyes.

It seemed like he was looking for a verbal answer to that last question, but Akaashi doesn’t trust himself to speak without his voice breaking, therefore he let the silence hang in the air to accompany the two of them. Konoha nodded after a short while, because he got his answer, and he smiled before he turned his gaze away from Akaashi one last time.

_Let’s stop this._ Konoha started. And it did feel like they stopped. The world stopped, his breathing stopped, his heart skipped a beat.

_Let’s stop fooling ourselves._ Konoha said in an ironically cheerful tone.

Akaashi saw his vision slowly getting blurry, and he quickly blinks them away, rejecting his weakness, denying his mistakes, because if Konoha thought all they’ve been doing has just been fooling themselves, then let it be, because Akaashi doesn’t want it to stop yet.

But Konoha wants to, as he said with finality in his voice.

_Let’s break up, Keiji._

There was nothing else he did after that. He just walked off and left Akaashi standing there with his hands balled in a fist, a bleeding lower lip, and teary eyes, but he didn’t see any of that because he never looked back to check even once. He really simply just said what he wanted to say and then took off.

If he took a glance even just for a short while, what would he have seen on Akaashi’s face anyway? Would he have seen Akaashi’s true feelings? Or his own interpretation of Akaashi’s expression?

What is real anyway? Is it still what Akaashi thinks he feels, or is it what Konoha sees in him? Did he conform to one of them at some point? Did he try to fit himself in one of those but failed to do so perfectly in the end?

Right at that moment, what the fuck did he feel?

Akaashi releases a shaky sigh and runs a hand through his hair. He takes another deep breath and sighs once more to compose himself. The water in his eyes were gone, the insects left his skin, the burn in his throat was fading.

Konoha hates him, and Konoha fucking expects him to be able to manage that fact well on his own. Konoha assumed it wouldn’t matter to him.

Needless to say, against Konoha’s belief in Akaashi being a _strong fucking protagonist_ , Akaashi’s emotions can still die.

**Author's Note:**

> whyd i choose akaashi’s pov for this and made it harder for me to write lmao. i cried halfway thru this tho, idk why (thinking emoji). i said i was gon b ultra bitter in this and not mind what others might think of it/me, but i forgot i can also get hurt and angry at myself.
> 
> this isn’t how i really want to represent konoha, it’s just a representation of my messy feelings about ch392. i asked someone to beta this and they told me that this might translate as konoha gaslighting akaashi, but that’s not what i meant to do. this is a vent fic, and i admit it’s not a good konoha representation ( _i love him, i care for him_ ) so if anyone took offense, i apologize.
> 
> & if you’re reading this rn, u probably didnt enjoy that. please know i didnt enjoy this as well but it did a lot to ease the pressure inside my chest. please waste ur time on good things now.


End file.
